just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
