I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
