i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
