You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
