thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
