Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
