vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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