one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
