Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
