So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Pants are for mortals
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
