Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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