Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
