Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
