these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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