Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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