In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you didnt know i had herpes?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
