She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
