Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
