Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
