dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
