Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
