i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
