Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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