can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
