im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
