I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
