fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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