A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
