he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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