His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
