a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
