You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
