Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
