My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
