I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
