She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
did i walk over a car last night?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
