remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have demons in me.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Randomize
