I am puke
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
