i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
tell me about the fingering
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