I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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