so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
