he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Welp...herpes.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
