Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
