Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
