Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
