Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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