She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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