At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
