It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
