Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Let's get the cat blown out
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
